If It Costs You Your Peace, It’s Too F*cking Expensive

There’s a quote that I’ve returned to time and again—both for myself and in the work I do with others:
“If it costs you your peace, it’s too f*cking expensive.”

It cuts straight through the noise, doesn’t it?

Not expensive in pounds and pence, but in what you have to give up emotionally, spiritually, even physically, just to make it through the day.

This isn’t just a catchy line to slap on a mug or tweet during your lunch break. It’s a provocation. A reality check. A powerful reminder that peace of mind, integrity, and wellbeing should never be the currency we use to secure our careers. And yet—how often do we?

Walk with me.

In my work as a leadership coach and facilitator, I sit across from high achievers, rising stars, and seasoned professionals—many of whom are quietly grappling with the weight of misalignment.

They’re respected, well-paid, and thriving from the outside looking in. But inside, they’re tired. They're tired of smiling through microaggressions, staying silent in toxic cultures, and feeling like success is only available at the expense of their peace.

And for those who are the first in their family, community or country to reach a certain level—the pressure is even heavier.
“I can’t leave this job—I worked too hard to get here.”
“My parents gave everything for this opportunity.”
“If I walk away, am I letting the next generation down?”

That guilt is real. But so is the cost of staying in places that chip away at your soul.

There’s a particular discomfort that comes with working inside systems and organisations that sound good on paper but fall short in practice. Those companies with the shiny logos people clamour to join and realise that at a certain point, when you are in it’s like the wizard behind the curtain at Oz. And for many they make peace with that but what happens when that peace costs too much?

Let me make it clear. I have been there.

I have been brought in by organisations to deliver workshops on inclusive leadership or purpose-led strategy, only to realise that the words on the website bear no resemblance to the true experience of the staff.
The climate reads very differently to what many leaders think is the culture.
That what gets praised externally is performative, while what’s allowed internally is harmful.

In those moments, I’ve had to ask myself, How far am I willing to go for this invoice?

Sometimes, the very systems we’re asked to challenge are the ones actively resisting change, and staying silent in those moments costs. As painful as it is, I have walked away from projects that didn’t serve me. No point talking about being brave if I don’t walk my talk.

That said it’s never easy wrestling with this and people are left asking “how do I navigate this terrain? “, particularly when walking away isn’t immediately viable, or when we feel that staying might damage who we are?

Here’s what I offer, both as coaching strategy and lived practice.

1. Develop Decision Tools and Mental Models

We all need frameworks to help us make values-aligned choices—especially when the noise of external validation can drown out internal knowing.

• The Peace vs Progress Matrix: Plot your peace of mind against your professional growth. If both are low, something needs to change. If peace is high but growth is low, you might need to challenge it. If growth is high but your peace is in pieces, that’s too high a price to pay.

• The BRAVE Check-in: Ask yourself—does this work allow me to be Bold, Resilient, Agile, Visionary, and Ethical? Where am I compromising, and is it temporary or systemic?

• The Three Lens Model: Examine your decision through short-term survival, medium-term positioning, and long-term legacy. Don’t make permanent sacrifices for temporary approval.

2. Name the Guilt. Then Reframe It.

Guilt is powerful. Especially when your career feels like it carries the hopes of an entire community. But guilt is not a sustainable motivator. It warps your decisions and makes you believe endurance is a virtue.

Let’s be clear, leaving a space that no longer aligns with who you are is not failure.
It is an act of leadership. It models courage, discernment, and responsibility.
Sometimes, staying sends the message that abuse is acceptable, as long as the salary clears your bank.

3. Build an Intentional Support Community

You don’t need to do this alone. In fact, I highly advise that you don’t.

Surround yourself with a Personal Advisory Board:

• Coaches to help you reflect, gain clarity and process change

• Mentors to offer experience and perspective

• Sponsors to advocate for your growth and protect your reputation

• Peers to walk beside you, challenge you, and hold you accountable

You deserve to be seen and supported, not just when you’re winning, but when you’re wrestling with tough decisions.

4. Plan a Strategic Exit

Sometimes peace requires a pivot but not a reckless one.
Leaving well is a skill in itself. And it starts long before you hand in your notice.

• If staying is an option, are there departments or teams where your values might be better aligned? Can a lateral move restore your peace and your power?

• If leaving is on the horizon, how can you leave with grace and leverage? Secure positive references. Identify colleagues and suppliers or other stakeholders you want to maintain relationships with.

• Don’t forget your assets: Are there shares, pensions, or bonuses at stake? Do you have knowledge equity that others may try to exploit on your way out?

• Build your runway: Which recruiters, partners, or clients are already in your network? Who can help you navigate this shift?

• Strengthen your professional presence: Make sure your value is visible. Whether through talks, writing, projects, or mentorship, show your work, and show up with integrity. Don’t wait until you have to change your Linkedin profile to “Open to Work” or when you are on the job market to articulate your worth.

Let me leave you with this:

We spend so much time trying to prove we belong that we often forget to ask whether the space deserves us.
Your peace is not a luxury. It’s your foundation.
Your integrity is not optional. It’s your compass.

So the next time you feel that quiet ache—the Sunday dread, the stomach knots, the silence that sits heavier than words—ask yourself:

“Is this costing me my peace?”
Because if it is, it’s too f*cking expensive.

In July 2025, I’ll be launching the BRAVE Leader Community — a monthly subscription space designed for leaders who want practical tools, frameworks, and grounded support to navigate their careers with intention and integrity.
Much more to come soon, but I wanted to give you a glimpse of what’s ahead.