Don't Be Afraid to Fail

Photo by Cam Adams on Unsplash

Failure is a word that often carries a negative connotation. For many, it represents setbacks, mistakes, or missed opportunities. Yet, what would happen if we viewed failure differently? What if we saw failure as essential to growth, learning, and success?

I often share stories from my personal life of how I have had to frame failure differently. From quitting university after a year, feeling a failure as a youth worker after losing some young people to suicide and youth violence, to losing my business and, subsequently, my house. All these experiences had a knock-on effect on my confidence and how I saw myself, but ultimately, they helped shape me and forced me to look at life differently.

This year, I tried to do three big things:
1) Arrange a world book tour,
2) Launch an online course for emerging leaders, and
3) Relaunch my podcast.

None of these three worked. I had to go back to the drawing board and be okay with seeing them not only as failures but as opportunities to learn, revisit the feasibility of the concepts, and see which ones I should park and which I should pivot on.

These experiences continue to inspire me to explore the concept of failure and better understand what it means to me and others.

Understanding Failure

People interpret failure differently based on personal experiences, cultural background, and socioeconomic status. Failure, as a concept, is never one-size-fits-all. For instance, a business owner might view failure as the collapse of their company, while a professional could see it as a major career setback. Students might consider failure as missing out on an important educational opportunity, and in personal life, failure could mean facing rejection in relationships or personal goals. Our understanding of failure is largely influenced by how we were raised and the expectations set by our society.

Understanding the context of our relationships with failure can help dismantle the fears associated with it.

In some cultures, the consequence of failure can be stigmatised (e.g. disgracing your family) to the point that people avoid risks altogether. In others, it’s seen as a stepping stone to mastery. In North American business culture, for instance, the narrative of the failed startup that leads to a successful venture is often celebrated. However, in other contexts, even failing to secure stable employment might carry lifelong repercussions.

One of the beauties of executive coaching is unravelling and unfurling some of the thinking and assumptions around the context of failure. Using those questions, we can reframe what failure means and how it can be used as an opportunity to build success differently.

Failure can lead to success

Many individuals and organisations have faced failure and come back stronger. J.K. Rowling faced numerous rejections before publishing the Harry Potter series; Steve Jobs was ousted from Apple only to return and lead it to become one of the world’s most successful companies. Organisations like Netflix, which pivoted from DVD rentals to streaming, and LEGO, which refocused its business model to return from the brink of bankruptcy, are prime examples of how embracing failure led to greater success.

Penicillin, Post-It Notes, Velcro, the pacemaker, artificial sweeteners, chewing gum, Teflon, matches, X-rays, and the microwave—many things we take for granted as standard resulted from a failed experiment with something else. Innovation made these accidental discoveries, not failures but examples of how we can bounce back when things go differently than expected.

These stories highlight the power of resilience and, more importantly, antifragility—the idea that certain entities become stronger and more adaptable when faced with adversity. Antifragile systems, as defined by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, don’t just withstand shocks but grow from them. This concept is critical because it reshapes how we approach failure, not as an endpoint but as a catalyst for innovation and development.

Failure as a Framework for Growth

Seeing failure through a different lens allows us to use it as a learning tool:

• What went wrong?

• Why did it happen?

• What could we do better next time?

These questions turn failure into a structured framework for self-improvement. The Japanese concept of kaizen, or continuous improvement, supports this notion, encouraging small, incremental changes to build a more robust and effective system over time.

Viewing failure as a growth framework means adopting a mindset that welcomes experimentation and reframes mistakes as valuable data points. This approach requires humility and the courage to confront and learn from errors rather than shying away from them.

Managing Failure Effectively

Resilience is the ability to recover from setbacks and continue moving forward. It’s what keeps us going when things get tough. Antifragility, on the other hand, takes it a step further by suggesting that we can thrive and become even better when faced with challenges. Both concepts are crucial in managing failure effectively.

The ability to be resilient or antifragile doesn’t happen in isolation. It often requires a support system—family, friends, colleagues, or mentors—to help put failure in perspective and offer encouragement. Support systems can provide the emotional and psychological strength needed to turn failure into a stepping stone toward future success.

Failure is not something to be feared; it’s something to be harnessed. By understanding its context, learning from those who have overcome it, and using it as a framework for growth, we can transform our relationship with failure. Together, failure, resilience and antifragility become a toolkit for shaping us into better leaders, professionals, and human beings.

So, don’t be afraid to fail—embrace it, learn from it, and use it to propel yourself forward.