Therapy for Black Men: A Love Letter to Self
Therapy has long been stigmatised in many communities, and for Black men in particular, the barriers to accessing mental health care and wellbeing can feel insurmountable. However, the benefits of therapy — both in addressing mental health challenges and in fostering self-understanding — are immense.
In this article, I will explore the different types of therapy available, share my personal therapy journey, and highlight why I believe Black men must embrace this powerful tool for healing, whether in short interventions or over a longer period.
What Exactly is Therapy?
Therapy, or psychotherapy, is a broad term used to describe a range of practices to improve mental health and emotional well-being. Therapy creates psychological and sociological safe spaces to explore thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and experiences, helping individuals understand themselves better, work through trauma, and develop strategies to cope with life's challenges. For Black men, understanding the different types of therapy and finding culturally competent therapists is particularly important in achieving meaningful healing.
Talking Therapy involves verbal discussions between the therapist and the client. This is one of the most common forms of therapy and can take various forms, including:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviours.
Psychodynamic Therapy: Delves into unconscious thoughts and emotions, often exploring childhood experiences to understand current behaviour.
Humanistic Therapy: Emphasizes personal growth and self-fulfilment, encouraging the client to realise their potential.
Other therapeutic forms include dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), Narrative Therapy, Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT), Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR).
This may look like a lot of letters but it can help a lot to understand what forms of psychotherapy are being used and how it is being used to help you.
In addition to one-to-one therapy, group therapy is also a shout.
Somatic Therapy emphasises the mind-body connection, helping individuals process trauma and stress through bodily sensations, movement, and awareness.
For Black men, whose experiences of trauma can be stored not just mentally but physically due to the effects of racism and discrimination, this approach can be transformative. Somatic practices may include mindfulness, breathwork, and even cultural movement practices like African drumming or dance.
How Long Should Therapy Be?
I am often asked how long should it be. I have personally been in therapy for three years but there is no fixed duration for therapy. Some people find benefit in short-term interventions (typically 6-12 sessions), while others like me engage in therapy for years, depending on their needs and goals. The key is to recognise that therapy is not about "fixing" yourself but rather understanding and growing in self-awareness over time.
The Importance of Culturally Competent Therapists
For many Black men, it’s often essential to work with therapists who understand the Black lived experience, including the effects of systemic racism, microaggressions, and cultural identity struggles. For many others, this is not a requirement at all. It was a requirement for me as I found that in a previous therapeutic intervention, this lack of understanding made me feel like I was playing a victim causing me to question myself and ultimately not feeling safe. A culturally competent therapist can help Black men process these unique experiences, validating their reality and offering culturally relevant coping mechanisms. Again it is not a necessity but very often Black men I know are looking for that cultural awareness or connection especially to combat existing resistance to therapy.
In the UK, The Black, African, and Asian Therapy Network (BAATN) is a fantastic resource for finding therapists that provide culturally competent therapy to meet such a need.
I would add a concern here that for Black queer men, feeling safe within the community is important. Cultural competent therapists are good but if you don’t feel safe with expressions of queerness within the community, be it driven by culture or religion or a mixture of both, prioritise safety first. If you can get both then that’s a win-win but it is important to have that caveat when thinking of culturally competent therapy.
Cost of Therapy
Therapy can range widely in cost, depending on the therapist's qualifications, the location, and the type of therapy. In the UK and US, therapy costs can be a barrier for many Black men, with sessions typically ranging from £50 to £150 per hour. However, some subsidised options exist:
NHS (UK): Offers free or low-cost therapy, though waiting lists can be long.
Sliding Scale Fees: Many therapists offer reduced rates based on income.
Charitable Organizations: Some organisations offer free or subsidised therapy specifically for people from Black and minority communities.
In the interests of transparency, I have weekly one-hour sessions and pay £300 a month.
Finally, check that your therapist is qualified and getting supervision. There is no harm in asking such a question and a good therapist has nothing to hide.
My Personal Journey into Therapy
My therapy journey was not an overnight decision. Like many Black men, I had internalised the idea that therapy wasn’t “for me.” I had a traumatic experience which upended my whole journey as a man of faith and it opened up a whole can of worms around my identity. At that time for me therapy was viewed as something for people who were “broken,” and I certainly didn’t see myself that way. But eventually, I realised that therapy wasn’t about fixing myself but understanding myself, and that made all the difference.
The first hurdle was finding the right therapist. I knew I wanted someone who would understand my cultural background, my experiences as a Black man, and the nuances of living in a world where I constantly faced both overt and subtle forms of racism. I found my therapist through a referral from a friend and by searching through the BAATN directory, which specialises in therapists who understand the unique needs of Black, African, and Asian clients.
It was awkward at first because I knew the first three men that came up as recommendations and that was not going to work. Eventually, I happened across someone who I thought was a good fit and we have been working together ever since.
The onboarding process was both nerve-wracking and enlightening. In my first session, my therapist asked about my goals for therapy and my life experiences. There were awkward moments—therapy requires vulnerability, and as a Black man raised with the expectation of stoicism and resilience, I found it challenging to let my guard down. However, I soon realised that therapy offered a rare space where I didn’t have to perform. I could simply be.
One of my key breakthroughs in therapy was understanding how my past, particularly expectations around masculinity, cultural and familial interactions and experiences with racism had shaped my emotional responses. Therapy helped me connect the dots between my upbringing, societal expectations, and how I reacted to stress or conflict.
Understanding, Not Fixing
Ultimately, therapy didn’t “fix” me—because I wasn’t broken. Instead, it provided me with the tools to better understand myself, my triggers, and my emotions. I learned that it’s okay to have complex feelings and that seeking support is not a sign of weakness but an act of strength.
Ultimately I realised patterns in how I behave as a mentor and coach myself. In particular, I got to unwrap why I am quite avuncular (Google it!) in my approach to supporting others to do well themselves
Why Black Men Should Embrace Therapy
There’s a prevailing narrative that Black men should be strong, resilient, and self-reliant. While resilience is a vital trait, it can also prevent many men from seeking help when they need it most. Therapy offers Black men the opportunity to embrace their humanity in full — to process pain, stress, and trauma, and to heal from both present and historical wounds.
Overcoming Barriers
Many barriers prevent Black men from seeking therapy, including:
Emotional Barriers: Many Black men are raised with the idea that expressing vulnerability is a weakness. Therapy challenges this, showing that strength lies in understanding and managing emotions.
Financial Barriers: Therapy can be expensive, but there are options, such as subsidised therapy or community-based organisations that offer affordable counselling. For me and others who have done therapy, we have prioritised this expense over others.
Cultural Barriers: The perception that therapy is not for Black men often stems from cultural attitudes that prioritise stoicism and self-sufficiency. I will emphasise again that your therapist does not have to be black but culturally competent therapists are crucial in helping men work through this and embrace mental health care and well-being.
In my own experience, these barriers were real but surmountable. Therapy was an investment in my mental and emotional well-being, and any feelings of shame or embarrassment were outweighed by the breakthroughs and personal growth I experienced. In the various online and offline communities I am in, it has been priceless to share those breakthroughs and also empathise with others who have similar challenges and barriers.
The Importance of Therapy for Black Men
I believe therapy is crucial for Black men, particularly in light of the unique mental health challenges we face. Whilst some don’t understand or appreciate the unique nature of these challenges it is not our job to explain them. Rather let us seek means and methods of how we can navigate them.
Too often we have suffered in silence, sometimes medicating our way out, taking it out on those we hold dearest and in some cases taking our own lives because the crown is too heavy for our heads. Therapy is a vehicle to help us navigate ourselves.
Therapy provides tools to manage stress and anxiety, both of which are often compounded by the pressures of living in a racially biased society. We can deny it all we want but it is there and being able to talk this out in a safe space is essential.
Many Black men experience depression but don’t recognise it or seek help. Sometimes others can see the signs even if we don’t. I don’t think we should only address therapy at this juncture if we can help it, but it can therapy can help men to name and address their feelings of sadness, anger, or hopelessness.
The societal pressure to be "tough" or "strong" can take a toll on men's mental health. Therapy challenges these norms and helps men embrace a fuller, more authentic range of emotions. It also provides a space to learn compassion for other men who don’t fit that mould of masculinity that is often thrust open us.
It is just as important to realise that therapy is just as applicable to understanding the self. Being able to see therapy through a solutions-focused or asset-based lens is just as important as addressing the more challenging sides of mental wellbeing.
Leveraging this in a one-to-one or group goes beyond just the self to building that strength within the community.
Tools and Frameworks from Therapy
Therapy offers a range of practical tools and frameworks that Black men can use in their daily lives.
I love how I can use Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques to help manage anxiety and stay present during stressful situations.
We can use Cognitive Restructuring a tool from CBT, to help us men identify and change negative thought patterns.
We can tap into Cultural Healing Practices that were historically denied to us. Afrocentric therapy and somatic practices that incorporate African drumming, dance, and movement can be deeply healing for Black men by reconnecting them with their cultural roots.
It would be remiss of me to not include that for many Black men, spirituality and faith play a deeply significant role in their wellbeing. For those who may not buy into humanistic forms of therapy and counselling, faith-based counselling, such as Christian counselling or Islamic therapy, can offer a spiritual dimension to mental health care that resonates deeply with clients. Incorporating spiritual practices like prayer, meditation, and scripture readings can help Black men find comfort and guidance during their therapeutic journey.
Therapy for Black men is about more than just addressing mental health challenges — it’s about embracing a process of self-understanding, healing, and growth. Whether through traditional talking therapy, culturally sensitive somatic practices, or faith-based counselling, therapy offers Black men a powerful tool for navigating the stresses of life and coming into deeper alignment with themselves.
The barriers to therapy are real but can be overcome. By seeking out culturally competent therapists, understanding the benefits of therapy, and challenging outdated notions of masculinity, Black men can begin to see therapy not as a last resort but as a powerful act of self-care and empowerment.
A caveat. I am mindful that not everyone can or will be up for therapy. I share why I strongly believe it is good for us as Black men. But, it requires vulnerability. It requires a deep sense of trust. It requires a sense of self-awareness. It requires a commitment to explore and take action on behaviour change. That is not easy by any measure and for some Black men that’s just not a risk they do not want to take.
Whilst I write this for Black men in Black History Month, I hope it can be shared and appreciated all year round.
Therapy is an act of self love. It is an act of bravery. It is self leadership.
This is my love letter to you brother.
Whether you do therapy or not I love you and wish you fullness
Ubuntu.
